Tuesday, January 10, 2017


omg, I really had promised that I'd write more often, but hey, look, it's 2017 and the last post was in SEPTEMBER 2016! really, totally not my fault.

not that I am blaming anyone but I do have really valid reasons for this.
my dad has stage 4 lung cancer.
so, yeah...

we have just recently gotten the confirmation of the stage, sometime end of December but we had been going to the hospital for x-rays, scans, tests, more tests from October. He had to do biopsy twice to confirm because there were a lot of dead cells that quirked the 1st biopsy result. We kinda lost about 4 weeks there. he is not doing too good. and neither am i for reasons not anywhere near what i expect.
There are just too much to write about and I need to write them down, I really do but I am just so exhausted. honestly, though, I don't know what is the exhaustion about. I am not the one who's sick. but I do suspect the emotional toll is getting to me. 2016 has been a rough year and I am emotionally exhausted.
we are currently in our EPM period and for the 1st time in so many years [since] I just don't give a shit about what to write. Honestly, I don't know what to write. Granted, I have been blessed with a really cool superior, but he reminds me of two of my ex-bosses, they were cool, really awesome human beings but it was difficult to get directions from them. Decisions, yes, but directions, no. It is as if I am falling again in the that hazy world where I don't really know what is the point of all this. and I am afraid that I will spiral down that path really soon.
it's scary.
seriously, it is putting me on the edge and i can break anytime. if this is what mid-life crisis is, then, no wonder. but God did say that 40 is the age of maturity, and His words are the truth.

so 2016, you have been a bad bitch. i really hated you. if you are a person, i would punch you in the face and make sure u break your nose. lets hope 2017 is nicer but at the rate things are going right now, i think shit may just hit the fan sooner than later.

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