i am in the mood to write today.

somehow, the thought of not being able to do the things only you do by yourself scared the s*** out of me. like writing the blog that i have forgotten for so blardy long. like downloading and reading all my trashy books and ebooks. like rolling on the bed under the covers in an air-cond room after hubby went to work, not really sleeping but just being..

yesterday i went out to do errands by myself. i didnt realize it until i got back home that i wanted to do it rather than i have to do it. i shouldnt do it coz i'm so sarat already and cant even breathe properly let alone managed to do all the errands that i planned to do if i were not preggers. all of the cashiers and sales person were commenting "oh beraninya u keluar dah dekat nak bersalin ni"

i was like "huh?"

what should i do then? stay at home at wait? i am already freaked out with all this and you want me to sit alone, at home, nothing to stop me from thinking of all the possible potential disastrous antics i could "inflict" on my child as he grows up and freaked me out some more???

eeeeiiikkk.... thank you but no thanx. i rather have shortness of breath from walking too much than that.

tonight, we are going on a date. our last one before everything changes.

I am starting to hyperventilate..

i've just realised that today is the last day that i'm going to be ALONE with hubby!! after this, there's no more "just the two of us"..

no, i'm not gonna deliver tomorrow but starting from tomorrow, the family will start coming in and then on Monday the lil bundle of joy will be here!

oh, have i told you that i'm delivering on Monday?

yes, we've made "an appointment" to have him on Monday the 11th of July 2011 at 830 in the morning. i should probably made it at 1107am as well but hey..

so, yes, lil bundle of joy will be here on Monday morning and from then on our lives as we know it will change forever. there's no more only "you" and "me", the priority is now different.

what am i feeling?

happy, nervous, stressed out.. all the above and many many more. after living for yourself for the last 34 years, you will be responsible for another human being..

oh god, give me strength..

my maid is annoying the hell out of me!!!

uurrrggghhh!!!

she has been with us for a full month already and still, some of the things have to be repeatedly told and reminded over and over again. i mean, come on! how difficult is it to remember to wash your hands? or to not answer "apa" when people call you? or just pls DO NOT SMELL??!!!

i am not a screamer and amazingly, i havent shouted or screamed at her but i can nag, especially after coming back from the office at 8pm and hvg to cook with her and hvg to withstand her sheer endless stupidity. her usual answer "saya lupa, kak".. and of course i had to tell her over and over again. most of the time she will try to answer back "di sana saya buat begini" and now that i've told her "kamu bukan di sana. kalau kamu mau buat seperti di sana, balik lah ke sana. di sini, kamu buat seperti cara di sini" she doesnt asnwer back as much.

is that too much to ask of an employee of yours??

for the whole month, i dont think there's anything that she's good at. sayang told me that i am too exacting at the standards for someone who's uneducated and literally uncivilised, well, maybe but she's not here for free.