hello peeps.

it has been a very long while.. i tried to have time to sit and write but those times eludes me. and i dont regret them, i dont even begrudge losing them.

sooner or later, sometime in the future, i will start again this blog. this is some of my memoirs and i dont intend to lost them.

i am in the mood to write today.

somehow, the thought of not being able to do the things only you do by yourself scared the s*** out of me. like writing the blog that i have forgotten for so blardy long. like downloading and reading all my trashy books and ebooks. like rolling on the bed under the covers in an air-cond room after hubby went to work, not really sleeping but just being..

yesterday i went out to do errands by myself. i didnt realize it until i got back home that i wanted to do it rather than i have to do it. i shouldnt do it coz i'm so sarat already and cant even breathe properly let alone managed to do all the errands that i planned to do if i were not preggers. all of the cashiers and sales person were commenting "oh beraninya u keluar dah dekat nak bersalin ni"

i was like "huh?"

what should i do then? stay at home at wait? i am already freaked out with all this and you want me to sit alone, at home, nothing to stop me from thinking of all the possible potential disastrous antics i could "inflict" on my child as he grows up and freaked me out some more???

eeeeiiikkk.... thank you but no thanx. i rather have shortness of breath from walking too much than that.

tonight, we are going on a date. our last one before everything changes.

I am starting to hyperventilate..

i've just realised that today is the last day that i'm going to be ALONE with hubby!! after this, there's no more "just the two of us"..

no, i'm not gonna deliver tomorrow but starting from tomorrow, the family will start coming in and then on Monday the lil bundle of joy will be here!

oh, have i told you that i'm delivering on Monday?

yes, we've made "an appointment" to have him on Monday the 11th of July 2011 at 830 in the morning. i should probably made it at 1107am as well but hey..

so, yes, lil bundle of joy will be here on Monday morning and from then on our lives as we know it will change forever. there's no more only "you" and "me", the priority is now different.

what am i feeling?

happy, nervous, stressed out.. all the above and many many more. after living for yourself for the last 34 years, you will be responsible for another human being..

oh god, give me strength..

my maid is annoying the hell out of me!!!

uurrrggghhh!!!

she has been with us for a full month already and still, some of the things have to be repeatedly told and reminded over and over again. i mean, come on! how difficult is it to remember to wash your hands? or to not answer "apa" when people call you? or just pls DO NOT SMELL??!!!

i am not a screamer and amazingly, i havent shouted or screamed at her but i can nag, especially after coming back from the office at 8pm and hvg to cook with her and hvg to withstand her sheer endless stupidity. her usual answer "saya lupa, kak".. and of course i had to tell her over and over again. most of the time she will try to answer back "di sana saya buat begini" and now that i've told her "kamu bukan di sana. kalau kamu mau buat seperti di sana, balik lah ke sana. di sini, kamu buat seperti cara di sini" she doesnt asnwer back as much.

is that too much to ask of an employee of yours??

for the whole month, i dont think there's anything that she's good at. sayang told me that i am too exacting at the standards for someone who's uneducated and literally uncivilised, well, maybe but she's not here for free.

Week 37, Day 3

"Before you were conceived, I wanted you.
Before you were born, I loved you.
Before you were an hour, I would die for you.
This is the miracle of love."
— Maureen Hawkins

at 38th week, he is now full term and weighing at 3.2kg +/-200g... he is still in a breech position, but now vertically rightsideup, i can feel his head poking at my ribs.. sayang told me he just want to be closer to mommy :)

sweet huh?

but not so sweet at night when he decides that neither one of mommy's sleeping positions is suitable for him! i cant sleep on either of my side comfortably with him squirming. he'll only stop squirming when i lay flat on my back, which is WAY uncomfortable!!! i cant breathe and my back hurts...

so sleepless nights.. and someone told me that he's just making me practice for what to come next, more sleepless nights.. sigh...

notty boy, u...

anyways, since i'm due in another 2 and a half weeks, my doc told me that i may go into labor at any time now, and he's not comfortable with the idea of lil baby in the breech position.. it may be dangerous in the event of emergency.. touch wood, nauzubillah..

so next monday on my next checkup, if he's still enjoying his right side up position, i will be making an appointment for a C-sect. mommy can heal slower if she has too, scars daddy can pay for laser later, but i refuse to endanger you...

Week 36, Day 1

have i told you that he is now in a horizontal position across my belly?

yes, d lil bundle of joy in mommy's tummy has decided that being upside down is not fun anymore and moved himself in his cramped space.

now, my tummy felt stretched like crazy and i may hv to hv a c-sect if he still decides that being horizontal is the most comfortable position ever!

and she membebel some more!!

excusez-moi, i can speak indonesian k, though there are some words that i dont understand but it's literally the same language.

and auntie, u definitely dont want ME to start membebel!

i'm already mengah as it is and it's enough that i have to tell you to WASH YOUR HANDS every five minutes, i dont think you want me to start..

oh come on.. how difficult is it to wash the toilet?

anything and everything that has to be cleaned in this house has been done by me or my husband, ergo, it is not that difficult to do and as such, since you are the full time maid, you should be able to do it as well.

when i said SCRUB, scrub lah!!

i have scrubbed the toilet before so i know it can be done!

Week 34, Day 7

oh god, 5 more weeks to go, maybe even less..

our last checkup on monday showed that mommy's boy is now approximately 3kgs!! and i have another month to go.. it would have not scared me if it's not for the fact that 3 weeks ago he's only 1.8kg! take that into account and he may be well above 4kg by the time he's ready to meet us!

but it's OK.. i am grateful and thankful to god for him.. alhamdulillah..

i dont get it.

i have not blogged on other topics nowadays other than the progress of my pregnancy and what this little bundle of joy in mommy's-tummy is currently doing.. nothing else rate much interest nowadays..

but this current hoop-la about "the obedient wife club" really bugs me..

have u heard or read about it?

i mean, COME ON!

i wonder where all these warped ideas come from. i cant believe someone actually said that "Domestic abuse happens because wives don’t obey their husband. He must be responsible for his wife’s well-being but she must listen to him”...

good god, really?

i wish ALL THE VERY BEST to the speaker who uttered those words.

and more..

“We just want to ask all the wives to be obedient wives so that there will be fewer problems in our society such as infidelity, divorce and domestic violence". can you believe that the speaker herself is in a polygamous marriage? as the second of her husband’s two wives?

think, people. before the husband legally marries the 2nd wife, what did he do? of course he had to get to know his 2nd-wife-to-be, courted her, dated her..

thus, in LITERAL TRANSLATION OF THE TIKUS, CHEATED ON THE 1st WIFE WITH HER. isnt that infidelity?? well, unless of course, the husband married the 2nd wife blindly or for "religion-sake" because she's a war-widow that needs taken cared of or something. not bloody likely, huh?

worse with 4 wives! he got away with cheating THREE times on his 1st wife, twice on the 2nd and blah blah..

i got tired and "mengah" just reading about this.. but these days, i try not to think or even care about these things.

each to their own.

Week 33, Day 4, Part 2

as of today, i am now officially 70 kilos.

yes, SEVENTY! a number that hasnt even crossed my mind, my scale, in the last 33 and a half years of my life.

that is 12 kgs more than my normal average weight..

and there's another month to go..

Week 33, Day 4

i swear to god he thot he's getting a bike when he's coming out next month!

why?

coz he's been pedaling inside mummy's tummy like nobody's business!!!

sorry baby, not that soon.. but if it were really up to me, u will not, i repeat, WILL NOT, ever, learn how to ride a bike, a motorbike, a superbike or whatever family or crossover it will have in the future.

not even when u're 40.

i'd rather u start hvg sex at 15 (nauzubillah!) than ride a bike that can harm u.

but unfortunately, ur dad has 50% of the vote on this topic, the bike riding that is, not the hvg sex bit.

Week 32, Day 1

Today, he's about 8 months old in my tummy.. another 8 more weeks to go.. lucky numero 8 huh?

but most of the time, i'm confused with this timing thingy.

we learn that human pregnancy is 9 months.

so, by months calculation, there's another month to go.

but by weeks calculation, there's 8 more weeks to go, which is abt 2 months, which makes human pregnancy 10 months!

apakah??

Week 30, Day 3

he's getting bigger!!!

and will get bigger somemore..

i am back to the first trimester mode but a bit worse; i'm so freaking exhausted, i cant breathe properly, i cant sleep properly, i cant eat, food smells starting to bug me again.. but the worse thing is, i'm starting to want a ciggie!!!

for the past 6 mths i havent had a craving for a drag.. after that hellish 1st mth of cold turkey-ing and wanting to bite the head off the next person, i have no craving for a ciggie at all. even the smell bugged me.. but now, i cant seem to wait to have a puff..

Week 29, Day 7 Part 2

Selingan rancangan jap k..

i had to go and sidai baju and comtemplated whether to iron hubby's clothes today or tomorrow..

well, tomorrow it is then..

ever since hubby moved to P, he has uniforms to wear. and unfortunately, he has only 4 of them at the moment. they are still waiting for more stocks.

so imagine having only 4 shirts to wear!!

no, no, no, wrong imagination.

imagine being a WIFE to a guy who has only 4 shirts to wear!!!!

of course i had to do laundry and iron every week twice a week!!

eeeiiiggghhhhh!!!!

i've even asked him if i can take one of his uniforms and have them replicated at pertama, preferably 14 sets!! he laughed and asked me "arent u in the IP section of your company? isnt that infringing?"

huh? do i look like i care?